When breaking up is hard to do…..

Couples come to therapy for many different reasons and sometimes they come to therapy to separate.

Many couples especially those with children, want to separate as amicably as possible to enable them to co-parent without their own emotional baggage or break up hangover affecting their children.

Breaking up though, for most can be hard to do.

No matter what your separation decision centers around, you may have been in this relationship a long time, maybe you have grown up together, maybe you are great friends but no longer lovers…there are lots of layers to why breaking up can be hard to do.

We attach to our partners psychologically, physically, financially, and have relied upon them in some way for our emotional needs, security and even safety.

However it may be for some that the relationship is no longer serving both partners, perhaps trust has been broken, expectations have changed, shared goals are no longer the same etc….

Therapy can be a space to unravel the feelings and behaviours within your relationship. It gives you both a space to hear each other and consider your decisions without conflict. It allows both partners to talk from their own perspective whilst bearing witness to the feelings and thoughts of the other.

Yes it can be emotional, evocative and difficult in therapy and in the process of separation however our aim in supporting healthy separation is to allow both partners to be seen, as far as possible understood and let things be said that have to be faced to allow both people to move on.

Sometimes it’s important to bear witness to what was successful in your time together not just what went wrong, but to take something away from the experience that can help you grow as people and learn from the time shared.

To respect what each other may need to recover from, grieve and to grow past.

Gayle is a relationship therapist and clinical supervisor in Tring Hertfordshire.